Broke(n)

Isn't it funny how many college students struggle with being broke. I mean this is the stage where we have to drop the most bucks to enter the real world. If we don't spend this much money we won't be able to be accepted into this work place with that crowd and overall we are automatically discharged to unacceptable. Yet we are so focused on being broke, not having money for food, clothes, or books. Yet we should be focused on how we're broken. We are broken. We are broken, lacking fellowship, wrought with trying to out do our peers on how miserable we are and are set on being the most accomplished in driving ourselves to tears in trying to become accomplished to alleviate our broke-ness. We are so set on achieving material things we can't admit how we are broken in emotional things. We are broken and offended, depressed, sexually frustrated, and lacking empathy. We can't fathom just how desperate one can be to become accomplished. We are able to stay up all night to study for a test that will determine our future [which I highly doubt will]. We will stay up until 2 am spilling our guts to someone we just met at a party hoping that this could be the one [which I highly doubt will]. We watch movies and television shows  to all hours of the night of hyper reality in spite of our priorities in pursuit of an escape of reality because no one can be satisfied with their own story and how tough their own life has become might be the end of them [which I highly doubt will]. If only we could give everyone a dose of empathy. We could then zoom out of the google maps of our life and see the connecting routes between our story, plan, and lives coordinating with others. If we were able to see how our job might be able to affect someone in a positive way in the future then someone might be more motivated to study late at night and not wrought themselves with depression and exhaustion for the sake of a good grade. If we all stopped trying to one-up each other with how impossible our lives have become then we might be able to encourage each other and not desperately plea for attention in dark desperation for a free pass to feel miserable for themselves. If only we could help everyone do something for someone else every day. To lay down burdens and rejoice in hope. To live with the mentality that everything could be so much worse. If only positivity was infectious in the way it used to be. Then again not everyone has Christ in their heart. Sure even believers suffer from this misery disorder. But discovering joy in Christ is so much more important than simply pasting a smile on your face day in and day out. Understanding that I will never be satisfied on this earth, so why bother? Why bother stressing myself out each night with studying until I become exhausted and irritable each day? Why bother trying to flaunt what I've got to every guy that fits my type? Why bother worrying about just how desperate I am for acceptance. My satisfaction will only be fulfilled when I stand before my God and as the bridegroom of an almighty God will be deemed one of his precious daughters worthy of spending eternity praising Him. So why not start now? I live to praise God and glorify Him with my actions and I strive to live differently. I can admit that I am broken. Not because I'm broke. But I am broken because I allow myself to feel depressed, desperate for attention, and underachieving in every aspect of life. I am broken because until I am in God's presence I will continue to try to serve two masters. This impossible feat will forever consume me. But everyday I will strive to live selflessly, empathetically, and with the ultimate passion and drive to live to glorify God. That is His will for me, and it is good. I hope to live in way that the best servant serves. Doulos- I hope to live as a bondservant would live, serving their master without any excuses. God you are my God and I will live to serve you.

Don't Act Crazy, Michelle

I have to admit that taking Women & Gender Studies made me very leary at first. I was afraid that there were going to be too many awkward conversations about the rising LBGT movements. Which I do not necessarily agree with on a spiritual level but I have nothing wrong with them gaining legal rights because they express a personal belief that could be qualified under freedom of religion. But anyway, this class has proven that yes I am a feminist. No I'm not a butch, lesbian that believes that she will be single because men are horrible and don't ever give us respect. No I believe that women should receive equal pay, honorable portrayal in media and advertising. I believe that women should be respected and not expected to raised up to a sexualized pedestal. I personal believe that men are to be leaders in the home and the church, but in the business place women should receive respect when deserved. I don't think that reverse sexism is necessary. But when women have deserved the right to lead they deserve the position and not the suspicion that they slept their way to the top. It's not true. And if it is it's probably because she assumed that that was what was needed of her in order to get there because of all of the powerful women that were portrayed on her favorite tv show. Isn't sad that nowadays we see women in the strong leader positions in the media because it attracts women to watch the show and young men to fall in love with her sexuality. And you better believe that this young woman is the woman that is rising through the ranks, and not the 45 year old congress woman that is actually running for your representative and the only reason you voted for her is because she was prettier than the old fart she was running against and appeared to be in a position of politics yet still motherly. I was so disappointed after watch THE DUFF movie last night. They had so many crucial opportunities to conquer stereotypes and all they did was heighten each one. They also had the ideal opportunity to raise awareness for cyberbullying and present logical solutions for conquering the horrible attacks that happen every day. All they did was present the option to just let it happen and the guy will still fall in love with you. He won't stand up for you. But he'll still kiss you when the credits start to roll. UGH! You could've done so much better. You also could've not presented the option of sex in high school to the millions of high schoolers that went to watch the movie.
Any way I read this article today called "Don't Act Crazy, Mindy" by Heather Havrilesky. It covered how women in television shows are portrayed as epically flawed. While all throughout history men have been portrayed as epic heroes. Even though they had epic flaws they were still considered gods and those flaws led them to greatness. When women have flaws we're considered crazy. In fact, we're always considered crazy. All the time. If we show ambition we're considered crazy for being to loud or overbearing while we're exhibiting the characteristics that men can only show if they're drunk. When we're quite and passive we're considered crazy, because we might be a silent killer. While men are cute and shy when they're quite. And they're allowed small moments of brilliant quips of knowledge when they're quite like this. But too often women's flaws make us undesirable and not the marrying kind. While men's flaws are always conquered or just simply a quip that makes them more brilliant or bold. It was surprising to me though that I knew and recognized every television character she mentioned. In fact many of these characters were from television shows I idolized and still do. From the Mindy Project, Smash, and Homeland I recognized all of these characters and the stereotypes they satisfied. I don't know if it is good or awful that I knew each of these characters and even coveted the shows they were a part of. I just had to get these thoughts down. Who knows maybe someday I will be some kind of expert on women in media. Because I definitely want to know more on the subject and better educate people on these issues. Especially the way everyday women are portrayed in television shows. I also really want to highlight the way media is a whole other party women have to run against when trying to advance politically. It's as simple as changing the verb that follows the women's misplaced title. It's "Secretary of State Clinton declared to Congress that we were failing women in third world countries." NOT "Mrs. Clinton cried that women were being walked all over in her favorite hijab covered countries." Let's play editor and censor of the media. I'm over this passive submissive attitude of our society. Especially when we're this attached to our personal mobile devices. Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if we didn't have the internet? I wonder if women would be more modest? I wonder if Carrie Bradshaw would need as many shoes as she did? I wonder if Ivy Lee would find the need for pills to belt like the incredible star she was meant to be? I wonder if I would be a government student, or doing exactly what I am doing? Regardless, I know the wide webbing world could be so much better for women if we simply saw women as brilliant instead of crazy, and pulled down the hemline, and pushed our women to pursue education and not a man. I hope my husband knows what he's getting himself into. Because he needs to understand that if he respects me, he will respect all other women also.