Broke(n)

Isn't it funny how many college students struggle with being broke. I mean this is the stage where we have to drop the most bucks to enter the real world. If we don't spend this much money we won't be able to be accepted into this work place with that crowd and overall we are automatically discharged to unacceptable. Yet we are so focused on being broke, not having money for food, clothes, or books. Yet we should be focused on how we're broken. We are broken. We are broken, lacking fellowship, wrought with trying to out do our peers on how miserable we are and are set on being the most accomplished in driving ourselves to tears in trying to become accomplished to alleviate our broke-ness. We are so set on achieving material things we can't admit how we are broken in emotional things. We are broken and offended, depressed, sexually frustrated, and lacking empathy. We can't fathom just how desperate one can be to become accomplished. We are able to stay up all night to study for a test that will determine our future [which I highly doubt will]. We will stay up until 2 am spilling our guts to someone we just met at a party hoping that this could be the one [which I highly doubt will]. We watch movies and television shows  to all hours of the night of hyper reality in spite of our priorities in pursuit of an escape of reality because no one can be satisfied with their own story and how tough their own life has become might be the end of them [which I highly doubt will]. If only we could give everyone a dose of empathy. We could then zoom out of the google maps of our life and see the connecting routes between our story, plan, and lives coordinating with others. If we were able to see how our job might be able to affect someone in a positive way in the future then someone might be more motivated to study late at night and not wrought themselves with depression and exhaustion for the sake of a good grade. If we all stopped trying to one-up each other with how impossible our lives have become then we might be able to encourage each other and not desperately plea for attention in dark desperation for a free pass to feel miserable for themselves. If only we could help everyone do something for someone else every day. To lay down burdens and rejoice in hope. To live with the mentality that everything could be so much worse. If only positivity was infectious in the way it used to be. Then again not everyone has Christ in their heart. Sure even believers suffer from this misery disorder. But discovering joy in Christ is so much more important than simply pasting a smile on your face day in and day out. Understanding that I will never be satisfied on this earth, so why bother? Why bother stressing myself out each night with studying until I become exhausted and irritable each day? Why bother trying to flaunt what I've got to every guy that fits my type? Why bother worrying about just how desperate I am for acceptance. My satisfaction will only be fulfilled when I stand before my God and as the bridegroom of an almighty God will be deemed one of his precious daughters worthy of spending eternity praising Him. So why not start now? I live to praise God and glorify Him with my actions and I strive to live differently. I can admit that I am broken. Not because I'm broke. But I am broken because I allow myself to feel depressed, desperate for attention, and underachieving in every aspect of life. I am broken because until I am in God's presence I will continue to try to serve two masters. This impossible feat will forever consume me. But everyday I will strive to live selflessly, empathetically, and with the ultimate passion and drive to live to glorify God. That is His will for me, and it is good. I hope to live in way that the best servant serves. Doulos- I hope to live as a bondservant would live, serving their master without any excuses. God you are my God and I will live to serve you.